So, I asked God a really stupid question. "Will you please show me what is important in life?" Be careful what you ask for. I know what is supposed to be important in life, but often times, I don't prioritize or live those things out. For example, I know that my wife is more important than my job, but I don't always show that with my behavior and attitude.
We were gearing up to move to Morocco. A friend of mine, Clark asked me what would be a "win" upon returning after our year spent overseas. I thought about it and answered, "A win for me would be to come home knowing what is really important in life." Thus, the question turned into prayer.
God has a funny way of showing us things. We left for Morocco with a good salary under my belt. Plenty of money for morocco and enough to even travel to Europe a bit. We were trying for a baby, we were both excited about moving, things were on the up and up. Then disappointment knocked on our door. We had a miscarriage, my salary was cut down more than 2/3, our apartment situation ended up being a little different than what we thought, We both kept getting sick, I had to work more (to make up for the difference financially), and to top it all off; I left Robin's Nikon D40 digital SLR Camera on the train from Fes to Meknes this past weekend. A camera which I bought for her by selling a couple of my guitars and all my recording equipment.
So I have to wonder, "God, are you answering my prayer?" It hurts like hell, but maybe it's actually heaven? Perhaps God is stripping me away from things. Perhaps he's trying to tell me that money is not important, and neither are cameras for that matter. Maybe he's saying that having another baby isn't important or that where we live doesn't matter that much either...but I don't think that's his character at all.
No, this is not a jaded entry where I write about how bad God is. It's quite the opposite. He is a fighter, and he smiles. He's a happy God who delights in his children. God LOVES to provide for me. He hates that I left the camera on the train, and he wept when we lost another baby. He is a God who intimately cares about us stumping our toe or being too late to catch the train because we couldn't find a taxi.
So, no. I won't go there. He IS answering my prayer, but it's not HIM who's CAUSING hurt and disappointment. The disappointing things are happening because he allows it. Yes, he is soverareign, etc. but he is also good. He is not a God that thinks pulling the rug from underneith his children is funny. He's a God who answers prayer, and he's the God who says, "What's important in life is you finding security in who I truly am and what I'm truly like. Not in what I do or what I allow to happen." As Graham Cooke once said,
"There is no security in what God is doing. You never know what he's going to do next. He's unpredictable. There's no security in that place. There is only security in WHO GOD IS. In his nature; what he is really, really, really, like. And God is good."
I'm finding as I grow older, that our circumstances in life are neutral for the most part. They just ARE. It is us, that assigns them meaning. We put tags on our days like: Good, Bad, Okay. We decide if something was right or wrong, or good or bad, or hurtful or healing. My situation right now sucks. That's the meaning I'm assigning to it. But can't I dwell in sucky circumstances with a good and happy God that is more than willing to help me, comfort me, and give me the occasional high five?
I will continue to pray for God to show me what is important in life. I will also pray for a baby, for a camera, and for money too - I think he'd love to give us all of those things and to "restore the years that the locus has eaten."
