The Most Interesting Man in the World

I am trying to read the Bible again with fresh eyes. Wanting to see these stories and truths in newness of life and understanding is difficult when pressed against the grain of the constant religious editor "Suday School Boy," in my brain. But a new starvation for truth is in my belly and I do not believe it will be satisfied by any other means than the rawness of the Holy Scriptures and the brokenness of my own condition twisting together for the purpose of healing and forging a new heart.

All of that said, I love the simplicity of this passage about Jesus at the wedding in Cana (in Galilee).

John 2
Jesus Changes Water to Wine
1On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, 2and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."

4"Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come."

5His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

6Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[a]

7Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim.

8Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet."

They did so, 9and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."

11This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.

In this story, I can see the divine humanity of Jesus Christ. It makes me wonder if Mary or his father, Joseph had ever asked for any favors at home. It's almost comical. "Hey Jesus, my saw broke this morning making that table, could you fix it?"

Here's Jesus, fresh with his followers. His first public appearance with his posy, and he tells his Mom, in so many words, "I know what you're getting at, and It's not time for me to start letting others know who I am or that I'm especially different." So, Jesus knew it wasn't his time. He knew that he probably should be careful about the miracle business, and yet, why does he do it? Here's the human rub. His Mom asked him to! This is not to say that Mary was controlling, etc. but that simply Jesus loved his Mom, she saw a MAJOR issue at a key social event (like most Mothers) and was freaking out, so, she turns to her special son for a favor. What mother in history has not done this before. I know my mom has asked me to help with things before related to my artistic abilities or my height or strength opening that pickle jar - or making a run to the store to fetch that key ingredient she forgot about or ran out of when making a holiday meal. Of course Jesus obliged. What good son would not have? And yet, the divinity and supremacy of Jesus takes a "back seat" if you will to the humanity of a boy responding to his mother.

I love how Mary knows Jesus so well and without Jesus even answering her, she tells the servants to "Do whatever he tells you to." That's totally mom radar if full force. And, next thing you know, Jesus is up (probably with a smile or a twinkle in his eye) to talk with the servants. He's careful not to make a big deal about it and reveals his magic only to the servants. Everyone else just assumes that the best tasting wine saved for the last came from the groomsman. Whom I'm sure took the credit for doing so.

Jesus Christ is unlike any other man in history. There will never be anyone like him again. He is, and I'm sorry Dos Equis, "the most interesting man in the world."

A Father's Love

God's Will and The Wisdom of a Dwarf

Why is "God's Will" such a driving force behind our decisions in life? Sometimes even small things can turn into an anxious, nail biting dilemma. Tonight, a friend of mine asked, "How do we know when it's God speaking; his will and all that..." - I'm paraphrasing. That's the jest of it. We went around the diner table and offered our human understanding of such a divine concept. Each of us knew that we didn't have a solution or an easy answer. We're all in process and I'm not sure there is an arrival at all. But it's really got me thinking; why do we even want to know what to do next? Are we wired that way as Americans, as Christians, or is there something in human nature that just wanders, "What do I do next?" and something else (deeper within) that says, "What am I SUPPOSED to do next?" Why do we ask these questions?

I had to work late, so I headed to the cafe - It's Ramadan here, so they're open super late. I brought along my copy of the Two Towers and thought I'd read a bit. Then smack dab in the first chapter of this book, the wisdom of Gimli spoke to me very profoundly. Boromir has been slain, the haflings have been taken by Orcs, and Aragorn is trying to read all the signs to figure out what to do next...to figure out what they are SUPPOSED to do...

*illustration by: Terry A. Ernest

"Well, we have no time to ponder riddles, " said Gimli. "Let us bear Boromir away!"
"But after that we must guess the riddles, if we are to choose our course rightly," answered Aragorn.
"Maybe there is no right choice," said Gimli

Maybe there is no right choice. Aragorn is seeking answers to the riddles that are laid present before him to decide the right way. Don't we do the same in life? We look at what's around us, the pros, the cons, what our friends think, what the Bible says, and to top it all off, we've got the burning bush question of "What do you want me to do God?" But, as Gimli brings up in the face of all these riddles...what if there was no right or wrong choice? What if God is more interested in us knowing WHO he is, rather than WHAT he's doing. Graham Cooke once said...

"There is no security in what God is going to do next. There is only security in who God is. What God does is unpredictable. You never know what he's going to do next, but who he is never changes."

There is a certain comfort in the gloom of Gimli's answer to Aragorn's urge to find the next right path quickly. Knowing that there may not be a "right" way, somehow forces me to find security not in what, but in who. The companions may not choose a "right" or "wrong" way, but at least they will choose it together. In the end, I wonder how many nights are waisted in us trying to figure out what we should do! In Brennan Mannings words "Don't should on yourself."

Now the balance to all this is simple...there are still decisions we have to make. Do I marry him or her? Do we buy this house or move to this city? Do I take this job? Should we adopt? All of which our hearts cry out for an answer. And rightfully so. Many of our questions reflect the decisions that surround the desires of our hearts, and as as Christians we desperately want to make sure that our desires have some supernatural stamp of approval from heaven before enjoying them.

So, I'm not saying that we should never contemplate or seek out answers or ask God, "What's next, what should I do?" What I am saying, is that if we prematurely put values and barometers on things - labels like "good choice" or "bad choice," or if we get our stomaches in knots because we just don't want to do the "wrong thing" we'll never find security in our decisions. But if we find our security in God's good nature, we'll have the confidence to step out into any direction - even if we don't know the way.

What's Important in Life

So, I asked God a really stupid question. "Will you please show me what is important in life?" Be careful what you ask for. I know what is supposed to be important in life, but often times, I don't prioritize or live those things out. For example, I know that my wife is more important than my job, but I don't always show that with my behavior and attitude.

We were gearing up to move to Morocco. A friend of mine, Clark asked me what would be a "win" upon returning after our year spent overseas. I thought about it and answered, "A win for me would be to come home knowing what is really important in life." Thus, the question turned into prayer.

God has a funny way of showing us things. We left for Morocco with a good salary under my belt. Plenty of money for morocco and enough to even travel to Europe a bit. We were trying for a baby, we were both excited about moving, things were on the up and up. Then disappointment knocked on our door. We had a miscarriage, my salary was cut down more than 2/3, our apartment situation ended up being a little different than what we thought, We both kept getting sick, I had to work more (to make up for the difference financially), and to top it all off; I left Robin's Nikon D40 digital SLR Camera on the train from Fes to Meknes this past weekend. A camera which I bought for her by selling a couple of my guitars and all my recording equipment.

So I have to wonder, "God, are you answering my prayer?" It hurts like hell, but maybe it's actually heaven? Perhaps God is stripping me away from things. Perhaps he's trying to tell me that money is not important, and neither are cameras for that matter. Maybe he's saying that having another baby isn't important or that where we live doesn't matter that much either...but I don't think that's his character at all.

No, this is not a jaded entry where I write about how bad God is. It's quite the opposite. He is a fighter, and he smiles. He's a happy God who delights in his children. God LOVES to provide for me. He hates that I left the camera on the train, and he wept when we lost another baby. He is a God who intimately cares about us stumping our toe or being too late to catch the train because we couldn't find a taxi.

So, no. I won't go there. He IS answering my prayer, but it's not HIM who's CAUSING hurt and disappointment. The disappointing things are happening because he allows it. Yes, he is soverareign, etc. but he is also good. He is not a God that thinks pulling the rug from underneith his children is funny. He's a God who answers prayer, and he's the God who says, "What's important in life is you finding security in who I truly am and what I'm truly like. Not in what I do or what I allow to happen." As Graham Cooke once said,
"There is no security in what God is doing. You never know what he's going to do next. He's unpredictable. There's no security in that place. There is only security in WHO GOD IS. In his nature; what he is really, really, really, like. And God is good."

I'm finding as I grow older, that our circumstances in life are neutral for the most part. They just ARE. It is us, that assigns them meaning. We put tags on our days like: Good, Bad, Okay. We decide if something was right or wrong, or good or bad, or hurtful or healing. My situation right now sucks. That's the meaning I'm assigning to it. But can't I dwell in sucky circumstances with a good and happy God that is more than willing to help me, comfort me, and give me the occasional high five?

I will continue to pray for God to show me what is important in life. I will also pray for a baby, for a camera, and for money too - I think he'd love to give us all of those things and to "restore the years that the locus has eaten."

Diner Table Trick #1 - Lemon Teeth

So, you're sitting at the table with a bunch of your friends. Conversations come to a lull and everyone is thinking about what everyone else is about to say that might start the new string of conversation. What I'm about to unveil to you will entirely ruin that moment. Not only will it ruin the 7 min lull, but it will completely destroy it into something that will either release laughter from your friends or total embarrassment from you. I give you...(drum roll)...Lemon Teeth.

STEP 1 - Order a wedge of lemon for your water or lime for your favorite Mexican beer.

STEP 2 - Peel the wedge. Take your knife (from the table - have to say that for all you boyscouts out there). Flip the lemon wedge over (white side up) and cut 5 straight lines through the peel leaving about 1/8 inch of peel in tact along the top rim.

STEP 3 - Invert the peel and place it between your teeth and your upper lip. Make sure the white side is facing outward. Now wait for the laughs!

I'm not sure where I got this from or when I started doing it, but it seems like something I've just always done and known about. So, enjoy the fun and remember guys, it can win a girls heart (well almost)...especially if that girl is a few feet away in a high chair!

Homemade AC Unit

It is super hot in Fes. It is so hot that you will actually sweat cheese. Because I did not want my family to die by death of sweaty cheese, I read online how to make my own Air Conditioner.

An engineering student, Geoff, in Ontario, Canada lived in housing without AC. During the Summer, as temperatures rose, so did his brilliance. You can read more about his Homemade Air Conditioner. It created quite a buzz in Canada, and I'm very thankful that he shared his idea with the world.

Trying to follow Geoff's original design, here's what I did.

First, I crudely shaped the 1/4 inch copper tubing (7 meters) around the front surface of the fan. Couldn't find zip-ties in Morocco, so I used twine instead.

Next, I cut my 1/4 inch rubber tubing into two strips (originally 7 meters long). Then I took each strip and attached an end at each of the separate ends of the copper tubing.

One end of one of the plastic tubes goes into the giant bucket of ice water.

And the other end goes through the bottom of our balcony door out to the drain.

How it Works

To get it started you just prime the siphon by sucking on the end where the water will drain. Once it starts pouring out, you know it's working. After you have the siphon working, the ice cold water flows from the bucket of water through the copper tubing attached to the fan's surface, and out to the drain. The copper tubing gets icy cold. The fan then blows over the tubing which in turn makes the air very cool.

According to Geoff, if you have a decent sized water container, the cool air should last for about 3 hours depending on how fast your siphon is. He also says that it can cool off a room in about 20 min. We will be using ours for the first time tonight, so I'll let everyone know how it goes.

And THAT, my friends, is how you stay cool in Fes!

Grace

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Music: U2
Lyrics: Bono
Synthesizers/programming: Brian Eno
Additional Guitar: Daniel Lanois
Produced by: Daniel Lanois and Brian Eno
Engineered by: Richard Rainey and Alex Haas
Assisted by: Chris Heaney
Mixed by: Brian Eno

---

This song is so powerful. I needed to hear its message today.

The Giving Tree

Brennan Manning, in a talk given during a chapel service at Seattle Pacific University in 1997 moved me so deeply that I could not help but sob and let the God of love re-wire my heart just a bit - taking it closer to the true image of God.

I've got a one and a half year old son. He's incredible. Shortly after his birth, I went to the local bookstore and purchased a copy of The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein. I had actually never read it before. I was excited to read it both to myself and to my son. So, I wrote a nice little note to Robin in the sleeve about how we'll read this book to our kids for years to come, hugs and kisses, that sort of thing. A few months went by and I forgot about the book. Then one day, it caught my eye, and I thought, "Oh, yeah, I forgot we bought that!" So, I picked it up and in the quiet hours of a particular morning, I read it from start to finish. I hated it.

It made me so upset that I tried to talk Robin into letting me throw it in the trash can. "Why?" She asked, and added, "That's one of my favorite books of all time!"

"Really?" I asked surprisingly. Upon her "yes," I began to really try and find out what she thought was so great about it. The way I saw it was simple. A loving tree, gives herself away to a completely selfish & self-centered boy who never sees the generosity of the tree and takes advantage of it every chance he gets. I thought it was extremely dark and disturbing. A very sad story. I had such a charged reaction to it, but had no idea why. Then one day, I found out.

I wrote an entry called, "God's Love" in October of 2008. This was the day, I ran across Brennan Manning's teaching. So, traveling back in time,now, it's a cold morning in Seattle, and Brennan says...

I had a Jewish friend named Saul growing up in Brooklyn. Everyday, we'd run down to the park with our overalls and buckets, play in the sand and talk about what we were going to do with our lives when we got big.

They grew up and Brennan became a priest, and Saul joined the Army. Many years later, on a serendipitous day in Brooklyn, they ran into one another.

Saul had told me that he had recently converted to Christianity...I asked Saul, "What's your understanding of Jesus?" Saul replied, "Let me think about it and I'll tell you tomorrow." The next day, we met up and what he said to me moved me so deeply that I urged to have it published. A year later he did and it's become the best selling book in the Harper & Row publishing company. This, Saul said, is my understanding of Jesus:"

"When the tree gives himself away to the boy," Saul said, "I'm reminded of when Paul writes in Philippians, that Christ, "Emptied himself...he emptied himself."

When I heard this, I broke down and sobbed so heavily that I had to sit down with my head between my knees. It dawned on me that the reason I hated the book, was that I was the little boy in the story. I wanted him to repair the tree or give back to it, or somehow, at least deserve the tree's generosity! But he was clueless. Like me. It was in that moment, in the "bright darkness of faith" that I realized, God loves me not because of what I do or don't do, say or don't say...in faith and in faithlessness, in prayer and in prayerlessness, in glory and in shame, in victory and rotten sin, in power and in weakness, in clean or dirty garments - he gives himself away so that I might feel loved, accepted, and experience true joy.

Where Are the Heros?

My wife and I headed to Frederickburg this past weekend to kick back and relax. Granzy and Grandad offered to baby sit for us so we could go catch a movie. There are only 3 screens at the theater in Fredericksburg, and Watchmen seemed to be the most fun. So, we got our popcorn and soda, tickets, and sat in the empty stadium seats at 3:15pm.

As Zach Snyder's film rendetion of Alan Moore's celebrated comic book came to life, it's hues were dark and fragments of the pain of humanity filled the viewing area. It was a work of art. It was beautifully and skillfully crafted. The film itself was incredible. But the story....ah, the story...

The story, (without giving it away), had NO HERO! There wasn't a single character to cheer for. The line of good and evil was so awfully blurry! You can clearly tell who you're supposed to root for, but even then, you end up not liking anyone. Perhaps that's the response to the line from the trailer, "You've never seen superheros like this," yeah, I hadn't and I don't care to again. This film will not stand the test of time other than being another filming breakthrough by Snyder. The story portraid in the movie, is one in which has no heros. What ever happened to making the hero good and the bad guy evil? Those are the types of stories that will stand the test of time.

Star Wars had heros. It was clear. You never had to think about it, or even judge them. During Watchmen, I found myself torn. Do I root for the rapist hero, the murdering hero, the blow your friend up hero, or the adulterous hero? I can climb into my grays and be okay with it, but I don't want to. Something inside me would much rather see black and white. Good vs. Evil, where the good is actually good, and the evil is actually evil, not blurring them along the same line. That's what makes Star Wars so powerful. You can root for Luke and Leah, and the rest. It's easy and you feel good doing it.

As for Watchmen, I wish the integrety and strength of the skillful and artistic filming had be laid along side of a story of the same qualities.

Searching for real heros...

God Knows What Hurts Us

The most attractive thing about Jesus to me, is that he really knows what hurts me. Brennan Manning tells the story about two drunks in a bar. Blurry-Eyed one says to the other, "Do you know what hurts me?" and the other responded, "How do I know what hurts you?" The friend's sunken reply, "How can you say you love me if you don't know what hurts me?" Brennan tells this story when referencing how a particular priest (who witnessed the scene) learned what true love was.

I used to be very familiar with the Christianese saying that goes something like, "God wouldn't want you to hurt...so it must not be his will." Whether that statement was spoken as encouragement or advice, I'm not sure, but it's not a true statement. The "sark" (Greek) or "flesh" as we call it, is the part of us that always takes the road called, "No Pain Drive." Dodging every thorny bush and bump in the road along the way, our flesh is the part of us that looks out for numero uno and doesn't want to get hurt. Who does? I don't. But it happens. I hurt. I hurt really, really bad sometimes. There are darkened days full of self loathing, ill disposition, selfish lust, jealousy, and feelings of loneliness, frustration, depression, and the sadness of the deepest hues of blue. If God loves me so much, then why does he allow me to feel these awful things? Can we just chalk it up to the fall? Is that the answer? Or is God used to pain? Is he...okay...with it? Or what is more daring (and I believe more truthful), does he intend it? Now, I'd rather avoid a theological debate here, and keep to my point: Following God, doesn't mean that it won't hurt! And that statement is not just for missionaries. It's for each one of us that gets so frustrated at our own lack of devotion, our lazy prayer or prayerlessness, or any Joe Shmoe who is living but has a hard time breathing - this is for all of us.

Did Jesus really ever hurt? Deeply? He was God wasn't he? Surely he went towards the cross for the joy set before him right? Wrong. He was in the horrific bloody mess of scraping through the tundra of the sin of man within his sacrificial tenderness. I am not so sure he saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Why else would he have cried out, "My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me!?" It was bad. Really, unimaginable pain. Lets back up a bit...

So Simon is carrying the cross because Jesus is so severely torn. As he walks, he sees the women of Jerusalem and says this: "Don't cry for me, cry for yourselves and your children. Look, if they do this to a healthy tree, just think of what they'll do to a tree that is already dying or dead." Or in other words, "If you think this is bad, it's going to get a lot worse." If you're like myself, you probably blase past that passage thinking Jesus is saying some profoundly encouraging words in the middle of bad times. Nope. He's saying, yeah ladies, it's bad, but even worse than you can imagine. This passage helped me realize how much pain Jesus was in, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Can I say that? Of course I can, Jesus was in spiritual turmoil and an emotional wreck. I believe, that Jesus connected with them in a profound way that is beyond our silly tendencies to say things like, "Turn that frown upside down, Mr." They were hurting, and he was hurting, and he entered their pain, and deep called to deep out of the roar of his waterfall. I do believe that they felt comfort in that. Wouldn't you rather have someone identify with your pain and be present in it with you rather than be quick to tell you what you should or shouldn't do in order to not feel pain? That would be like telling the leaf in the picture above, "Hey, hold yourself up, straighten yourself out, you're about to fall, so lift yourself up and cover up those holes of yours!" Silly isn't it...and yet, I've been guilty of this, and I know that others have as well.

So what is the good news?

Jesus went through the bloody horror of Calvary not to make men and women with better morals. He didn't face that darkness so that we could have a "model" of perfectness to achieve...you know, "be like Jesus." He didn't do it so we could simply live forever. He ripped himself wide open for one purpose and one alone: love for us. So why do we enter the foolishness of comparing our incomplete and fragile love with his that is so infinitely rich and strong? Why is it so hard to love ourselves? Could it be that we aren't allowing his love through? Could it be that we haven't accepted, or feel as if we can not accept his free and powerful love; his love that loves us just as we are, not as we should be or are supposed to be. Doesn't it sound good? Someone that loves us without any strings attached? I invite you, within the bright darkness of faith, to accept his love for the first time. He knows what hurts within you. He has felt the deeper pain and loss, and is ready and willing to enter into yours and sit, hold your hand, and just be with you because he truly knows what hurts us.

Surprise!

On Sunday night, my wife and a ton of friends surprised me. It was an appreciation surprise. About a month ago the church could no longer afford to pay my salary as 20-30 Somethings Pastor, Graphic Designer, & Web Developer, so I was "let go." It was tough for everyone. Luckily, I had the best boss (Sr. Pastor) and co-workers anybody could possibly ask for, so although it was awfully hard, it was good. This was a party my wife, Robin, put together to surprise and bless me.

I had no idea about it, and it could not have come at a better time. I've been running myself a bit ragged looking for full-time employment, working contract jobs, etc. http://www.billyhollisdesign.com, for more info there. Anyway, I was really blown away by how many people showed up just to say, "Thanks" to me. It was very sobering and amazing. I don't know why it's so easy for me to start feeling like my life has no meaning or that I'm all alone, but it is. Times like these are rare and it's so important to really be present when they happen. To receive other people's love for me is so crucial to the health of my soul. Besides, when others love us, it's God loving us.

They put together a book of encouraging words while they were there, presented me with an incredible new 1T wireless hard drive (I know, I'm a geek), and for those whose stayed to the bitter end, we kicked around the guitar for an old fashioned round robin with all my awesome song writing friends.

It was great. Oh...yeah...the picture above just makes me happy...like the party did. ;)

So as Not to be Dead

Ray Bradbury, in his introduction to, The Illustrated Man (republished in 2001) tells of a night he met a bartender in Paris. The young 23 year old explains to Bradbury that when he gets off work, he dances at the nearby clubs so as not to sleep, so as not to be dead. Bradbury candidly captures the conversation and concludes with this profound statement:

I end as I began with my Parisian waiter friend, Laurent, dancing all night, dancing, dancing.
My tunes and numbers are here. They have filled my years, the years when I refused to die. And in order to do that I wrote, wrote, wrote, at noon or 3:00 A.M.
So as not to be dead.

To read only the above does not do the story justice. Next time you're at the bookstore or library, pick it up and read it. It will take you 10min or less.

Life is filled with these types of really inspiring stories. We hear songs about it, we read books about it, movies, and countless other forms of communication drive home the truth of "carpe diem." I believe that is what we all want in life. To seize the day, to sail against the wind and find that uncharted land of our heart where the stage is set for adventure, perils and joys await upon the sunsets of "what's next." I'm not much of a writer, but this is my little way to guide my sail toward that horizon...so as not to be dead.

A Change

It's been a long time since my last post. Thus the title change of my entire blog. I love Jesus, and I need him. I also love traveling, music, art, the way my wife laughs, great movies and organic shade grown coffee. Mmmm. So simply put, I want my blog to include more writings that just about my relationship with Jesus, and don't want to create another blog. There have been things I've wanted to write about, but felt restricted to my own title. So...I changed the direction of this blog. For any followers (I know of at least one), my sincere apologies, but do hope you'll continue to read.

I could think of no better way to illustrate this change than with a photo of my tack board. In the center, you can see Christ. He is in the center of all the other expressions of my personality and iterests. It's how he's made me and I think he's quite excited about the change I'm making tonight.