Do You Remember That Night?

Do you remember that night? You held me like a child. Man. I remember it so well. So well.

I just wrote that in my journal. I was asking Jesus if he remembers the first night that I actually felt his manifest presence. It's what the Jewish people refer to as Shekinah Glory or the Holy of Holies. The place where only the priest could enter and it was also where the ark of the covenant was kept. Later of course, Jesus changed all that. When he died on the cross, the veil in the temple that blocks off the Holy of Holies was torn completely from top to bottom, showing that anyone can now enter a crazy experience with God, not just the priests.

One night (I was 15 years old) I was attending this send off service before church camp. I had to work my Summer job, so I couldn't go, so I just went to the send off deal. Anyway, this guys talking about having a "personal relationship," with God, and I'm thinking, "This is total BS." He was talking about how great it is, etc. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had been a Christian most of my life, and I'd never experienced what this guy was talking about, so he must be wrong, right? I was so ticked off. Standing up, and turning every eye in the room, I walked down the long aisle and made sure the door was opened with enough noise to make my point.

I began walking down Brown Street, in Round Rock, Texas in the hot thickness of Summer. My heart was pounding. I felt sick. The kind of feeling you get when you get your heart broken. I stopped, looked at the stars, and that's when it happened.

I broke. My heart melted. My mind was covered in a warm blanket. My eyes were opened, and for the first time, I didn't care about what I was supposed to be, do, feel, act, experience...like a child. I was weeping so hard I felt I had to hide in case any friends came out to find me. I hid behind an old air conditioner unit beside the church, sat down, and continued to cry. That's when (literally) I felt two arms wrap around my body and squeeze. God hugged me.

Lately I've been in need of that again. I just need to be hugged by God. He can hug me any way he wants, I'll take what I can get. If that's through a person, great. If that's through music, a movie, the stars, a painting, anything, that's great. Or if he chooses, he may just physically put his arms around me again and whisper, "It's alright."