Feeling Distant

Man, today, I don't think there are words really. I feel pretty whacked out. Out of shape, out of sleep, and out of time. I desperately need Jesus. I feel depressed today, and I'm longing for you.

God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
-Psalm 63:1

Sometimes, when I sin, when I fall, I don't know how to get back up. I still struggle with feeling distant from God when I blow it. There is a place somewhere inside of me that just doesn't get GRACE or FORGIVENESS. I've experienced lot's of both but...what am I trying to say? It's like a child running to his Father because he touched the stove top and it hurt. He knew he wasn't supposed to, and his Daddy told him "No!" but when he feels the burn and the pain, there is no thinking; he instinctively runs to his Dad.

Why is that so hard for me? Why do I have such trouble seeing God as a loving Father who welcomes me and all my pain? Why is it so easy for me to go to the far corners of the earth and tell others that God welcomes their pain, yet find it so difficult for myself to do the same thing?

I must rest in the knowledge that I don't have a clear picture of who God is, that the one I have needs re-wiring. I know that he is good and he is faithful. I know that he will answer me.